A cute little bat story

I have lots of cool stories about bats, wanna hear one?

Okay, so my son finds a bat upstairs.  I hit it with a broom, he manages to catch it in a tupperware bowl.  I start walking down the stairs and it’s flying, in the bowl.  Battering its wings on the sides, I’m hysterically frightened of the beasts and their tiny freaky hands and itty bitty faces.  And I’m planning on walking outside and carefully releasing it in the woods.  And it’s flying in the bowl and really freaking me out. But as I get to the sliding glass door I hear it screaming.  It’s screaming. I’m literally shuddering with fright, and I open the door and realize:

The screaming is coming from behind me!

I, having already opened the door, let out an un-ladylike scream into the night, total fright bellowing out me.  And THROW the bowl like a champion disc master.  And I turn around, still mid-scream and there is a second bat, flying at me.  I do the brave, motherly thing, and cover my face and burst into tears and my 10 year old spitfire daughter looks at me, and sees the bat (now landed on the step in front of me, and smashes it with a boot.

Then she turns to me and says, “Is that it Mom?  Anything else?”

And I, still mute with terror, shake my head.

I should have mowed the lawn by now.

Imma be frank.

I don’t like mowing the lawn.

It seems like it’s way too early this year since everything outside is already positively shaggy.

So far the Gridlocked Guesthouse is a pretty amusing tale about a bunch of college students spending the night in a haunted house.

There will be goats!

And ghosts, but you probably already guessed that part.

I find these haunted house novels particularly easy to write, something about the pace of it, the feel of it.  The way the story dances out of my fingertips and onto the page.

Maybe it’s just that I’m a little Mixi’d in the head.


Under Siege

So, I’ve got a bit of a bat problem.

Let’s be clear, I hate bats at this point.

I haven’t yet found their nest so I can’t eradicate, move or otherwise deal with them.  I’ve sat outside at dusk several nights in a row, waiting and watching for any black fluttering creatures to flap around the house.

I find nothing.

But usually, even as I sit, watching for the terrible beasts invading my home, I’ll see the cat, Pikachu, with one in his mouth.  He’ll be walking towards the house, bringing his new friend inside to play.

I tried to sit and watch the cat for an hour, but believe me, he only hunts if he is being ignored.

Once inside, my wellfed house cat with release the bat and let it fly, and then chase and pounce.

About half the time he kills them.

About half the time he loses them entirely.

Last night as soon as I turned off the light, a very frightened, very loud screaming bat starting flapping underneath my bed.  Calling all it’s friends and family- Help I’m lost in this… five story maze and not a single tree in sight.

Believe me, a very frightened, blind Mixi was screaming THIS IS A NOPE (I don’t know why that’s what I screamed, maybe I just knew how comedic it would end up when I told this tale.  I’ve never screamed nope before so that was entirely new to me).

And even worse I had to come back into my room to find my glasses in order to hunt for the dang thing.

I did not find it.

So when bats finally appear in my novels as vicious terrible things, then you shall know how truly and deeply inspired I am- And if anyone yells nope you’ll be absolutely certain that I’m mocking my strange Mixi brain. 🙂