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Jaspierre Excerpt

Jaspierre drove the green car down the road, trying not to draw attention to herself. She still had two hours left before she and Lucas would meet up. She glanced at the gas gauge; it was full. Good. Nothing to fuss with there. She drove away from everything and tried to clear her head. Her car was wrecked and sitting in that lake. Chance was one step ahead. She should have paused and killed him instead of driving off in that cop car. What the hell will I do next? Mindlessly, she turned onto the highway and set the cruise control for fifty-five miles per hour. Getting pulled over was not on the agenda. She glanced at the large pile of bullets and guns on the seat. It seemed absurd to her. She had hardly even seen a gun in person before today, and now she had enough for her own goddamn army. Chance, though, had proven he wasn’t just a sick pervert, but he was dangerous. Seriously dangerous. Why else would he have so many guns? She thought it would be easy to eviscerate him, but now she wasn’t so sure.
The four-lane highway merged into a small two-lane road. She kept driving down the empty road. How the hell was she going to kill him now? Her face was flushed and anger was starting to build. She hadn’t factored explosives and bullets into the equation; every altercation with him so far hadn’t involved either. A few minutes later, a yellow sports car, clipping along at a fast pace caught up to her. Two yellow lines stood on their left. The young man in the car swerved back and forth behind her, peeking around to see if he could pass. There was now, of course, oncoming traffic. The road was always clear unless some asshole was trying to pass illegally. He swerved back behind her, pressing his nose into her car’s ass as far as he could without clipping it. Jaspierre rolled her eyes. What the fuck. The last thing she felt like dealing with was an asshole on the road. The hairs on her neck rose and she clenched the wheel tighter. Don’t do anything stupid, she tried to convince herself.
The road curved up ahead, and as she turned, he swerved again, looking for a way to go around. He nearly smashed into a semi-truck coming the other direction. He veered back, over-correcting and skidding on the gravel. Fucker. Then he honked at her as if it was her fault the speed limit existed. She slowed down, and he honked again, swerving his car back and forth, tailing her, peeking around her car so he could pass on the double yellow as soon as he found room. Fuck this shit. She cracked; she never had learned to manage her rage. She saw nobody was coming at them for a while, so she turned her car hard to the left and slammed on the brakes. Her car skidded sideways and she prepared for his impact. He managed to stop in the nick of time, and the nose of his car was inches from her back door when they both squealed to a stop. Honking repeatedly, he opened his car door. He screamed profanities.
Jaspierre picked up the rocket launcher and stepped out of her car, pressing it tight to her shoulder. Without hesitating, she pulled the trigger, but the safety was on. He stared for a moment, and then slammed his car door shut, frantically trying to get into reverse. She looked at the gun and grinned. Ah, so easy, right at her thumb. Pressed the little switch and braced herself.


Batastrophe

Here it is, the update.

The bats.

Well, poor ten has been a total spitfire this whole time.  Do you remember that I told you she woke in the middle of the night and killed a bat, then crawled back in bed like it was nothing?

She’s a fierce little lady.

Don’t mess with her.

But since she has an autoimmune condition, her rabies shots did not take.  As in, she’ll have to redo them.  And there have been many tears.

The roof is about to be peeled off my house just like Oliver’s skin was peeled from him.  And underneath it the bats will swarm.  Have you ever seen thousands of angry bats?  I hope not.  I’m sure I’ll post a picture as soon as it’s time.  As soon as it happens.

Thousands of uprooted, homeless, terrified bats breaking into my house.  They’ll swarm the screens, and try to break in windows, and crawl in the pieced of the roof.  They’ll scream their displeasure at me.  Then, slowly, they’ll give up and start to flutter away.

But some won’t take no for an answer.

And they’ll loiter in my trees, battering at my windows, my doors, my home.  They’ll break in like little bat burglars.

 

I’ve declared war on thousands of bats.  Put on your helmet, grab your binoculars and hope you don’t get hit by the fallout.


Gridlocked Guesthouse Finished

Well, I’ve finished another book, you may applaud whenever you aren’t busy.

This one has that crazy narrator I’ve been talking about. She’s my favorite part of this story so far.  I think that I have done an excellent job making four totally different, perfectly delicious  haunted house stories.

Do you like a deep back story? Ghosts from the past tormenting the current owners?  Maybe give Landlocked Lighthouse a try.

Do you prefer hilarious humor mixed with dark story?  Definitely read Gridlocked Guesthouse.  She’s absolutely bananas, and you’re gonna hold your sides with wide eyes horrified laughter.

Are you more into finding out what more than one person would do when confronted with a ghost?  Try Padlocked Penthouse.  It’s so classic.  Each guest tries to defeat the ghost in their own awful way.

 

Anyways, I’m knee deep in Firelocked Funhouse, and then that’ll be it for the hauntings for a bit.

 

I’m pretty certain I’ll be writing a dark thriller next.  Do you like dark thrillers?

 


Clearly I should get out more

Alright, so the good news is, they’re going to get the bats out, and they are going to give us a new roof in the next few weeks.

 

The bad news is, this is extremely costly and I feel a little discouraged.

 

The good news is:  When the going gets rough, I can rally like no other!  Gridlocked Guesthouse is coming out this week, and I’m knee deep into Firelocked Funhouse.

I’ll try and have this one done really quick too!  My troubles will just mean more stories 🙂


A cute little bat story

I have lots of cool stories about bats, wanna hear one?

Okay, so my son finds a bat upstairs.  I hit it with a broom, he manages to catch it in a tupperware bowl.  I start walking down the stairs and it’s flying, in the bowl.  Battering its wings on the sides, I’m hysterically frightened of the beasts and their tiny freaky hands and itty bitty faces.  And I’m planning on walking outside and carefully releasing it in the woods.  And it’s flying in the bowl and really freaking me out. But as I get to the sliding glass door I hear it screaming.  It’s screaming. I’m literally shuddering with fright, and I open the door and realize:

The screaming is coming from behind me!

I, having already opened the door, let out an un-ladylike scream into the night, total fright bellowing out me.  And THROW the bowl like a champion disc master.  And I turn around, still mid-scream and there is a second bat, flying at me.  I do the brave, motherly thing, and cover my face and burst into tears and my 10 year old spitfire daughter looks at me, and sees the bat (now landed on the step in front of me, and smashes it with a boot.

Then she turns to me and says, “Is that it Mom?  Anything else?”

And I, still mute with terror, shake my head.


I should have mowed the lawn by now.

Imma be frank.

I don’t like mowing the lawn.

It seems like it’s way too early this year since everything outside is already positively shaggy.

So far the Gridlocked Guesthouse is a pretty amusing tale about a bunch of college students spending the night in a haunted house.

There will be goats!

And ghosts, but you probably already guessed that part.

I find these haunted house novels particularly easy to write, something about the pace of it, the feel of it.  The way the story dances out of my fingertips and onto the page.

Maybe it’s just that I’m a little Mixi’d in the head.

 


Under Siege

So, I’ve got a bit of a bat problem.

Let’s be clear, I hate bats at this point.

I haven’t yet found their nest so I can’t eradicate, move or otherwise deal with them.  I’ve sat outside at dusk several nights in a row, waiting and watching for any black fluttering creatures to flap around the house.

I find nothing.

But usually, even as I sit, watching for the terrible beasts invading my home, I’ll see the cat, Pikachu, with one in his mouth.  He’ll be walking towards the house, bringing his new friend inside to play.

I tried to sit and watch the cat for an hour, but believe me, he only hunts if he is being ignored.

Once inside, my wellfed house cat with release the bat and let it fly, and then chase and pounce.

About half the time he kills them.

About half the time he loses them entirely.

Last night as soon as I turned off the light, a very frightened, very loud screaming bat starting flapping underneath my bed.  Calling all it’s friends and family- Help I’m lost in this… five story maze and not a single tree in sight.

Believe me, a very frightened, blind Mixi was screaming THIS IS A NOPE (I don’t know why that’s what I screamed, maybe I just knew how comedic it would end up when I told this tale.  I’ve never screamed nope before so that was entirely new to me).

And even worse I had to come back into my room to find my glasses in order to hunt for the dang thing.

I did not find it.

So when bats finally appear in my novels as vicious terrible things, then you shall know how truly and deeply inspired I am- And if anyone yells nope you’ll be absolutely certain that I’m mocking my strange Mixi brain. 🙂


If you want to see my pies or random acts of cake, just say so and I’ll make a few posts.  I don’t even know if anyone is interested in that kind of stuff.

 

Random acts of cake are super fun though, I and I highly recommend if you are having a bad day, make a five to ten layer cake and give it away to an unsuspecting recipient.  They’ll be surprised, and you’ll be too tired to have a bad day…